Sunday, November 18, 2012

Choir Jokes

UPDATE: I really love this post so I'm resurrecting it.

So I was at regionals. I was a soprano I. I was very, very, VERY happy.

Everything went well, and it was very tiring but fun. Our director looked very familiar to me and I was wondering why when he told us that he was the director for the women's choir for All State last year. I was in mixed...

He liked to tell choir jokes, you see, and told us four of them. I will tell them to you now. But first, I'm sure not all of you reading my blog are choir nerds like me, so here are some stereotypical descriptions of the four voice parts:

Sopranos - girls singing high notes. Sopranos are usually seen as the divas of the choir. Love high notes very very much. Can't read music. They are the blondes of the choir.

Altos - very misunderstood bunch. Don't sing as high as the sopranos, but got all the super hard harmonies. They are usually more humble than the Sopranos and can actually read. However, they are a little mad that the Sopranos always get all the guys.

Tenors - Sopranos of the boy section. Most of the time sing in the alto range and some question if they are really men.

Basses - despite the musical fact that the bass is the most important, they don't get any attention because their bass lines are so incredibly easy. Basses love women, but women love tenors.

Okay. So those are again, stereotypical descriptions!

So first joke:

Two tenors and a bass were trapped on a desert island. They were sick of it and wanted to go away. One day, they three friends were walking on the beach when the bass stubbed his toe on something. They dug it up and it turned out to be a lamp. They rubbed the lamp and a genie came out.

"I usually give 3 wished," the genie said, "but since there are three of you, I'll give you one wish each." He turned to the first tenor and said, "What would you like?"

The tenor thought for a moment. "There's this little cafe in Paris, France, that I really want to go to and just sit there and watch the people." As soon as he finished, he was gone.

The genie turned to the second tenor and said, "What would you like?"

The tenor thought for a moment and said, "I haven't seen snow in ages! I want to go to Aspen to ski!" As soon as he finished, he was gone.

The genie went to the bass next. "What would you like?"

The bass looked around. "I'm so lonely! I wish my two friends are back here with me!"

The second joke:

There were three girls, two Sopranos and an Alto. They got tired of choir rehearsal and decided to run away into the woods. The director was very smart though, and sent the boys out with dogs to get them. The girls realized this and all climbed up separate trees.

The boys were under the first tree, with the first soprano, and the dogs wouldn't stop barking. They thought, "Now, there must be a girl up there!"

The first soprano thought for a moment. "Hooooot! Hoooooot!"

The boys dismissed her as an owl and moved on.

The boys were under the second tree, with the second soprano, and the dogs wouldn't stop barking. They thought, "Now, there must be a girl up there this time!"

The second soprano thought for a moment. "Caaaaaaw! Caaaaaaw!"

The boys dismissed her as a crow and moved on.

The boys were under the third tree, with the alto, and the dogs wouldn't stop barking. They thought, "This has to be it! There's a girl up there!"

The alto thought for a moment. "Moooooooooooo!"

The third joke:

A tenor was tired of being teased that he's not a man. He decided to go into the forest and cut down 100 trees. He went to the hardware store and asked for a their best chainsaw. He got the most expensive, newest one, and happily went home. The next day, he woke up very early and went into the forest. He worked and worked all day long and only cut down five trees. But he was not ready to give up yet. He woke up the next day and worked and worked all day long only to cut down ten trees. Furious, the tenor stormed into the hardware store and went to customer service and asked for a refund.

The customer service employ was very confused. "There shouldn't be any trouble... Let me check." He pulled the string and the chainsaw roared beautifully. VVVRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAMMMM!

The tenor lifted his head up. "What's that sound?"

And the fourth joke:

It was raining outside so a soprano decided to sit down and make a puzzle. However, after an hour, she couldn't get even two pieced to fit together. Her boyfriend called her. "Hey honey what are you doing?"

"Well I'm trying to put together a puzzle but I can't get anything!"

"Really? Not even one perfect fit? What's the puzzle supposed to be after you're done with it?"

"A tiger."

"How about I go over and we'll do it together?"


So thirty minutes later, the boy showed up at the soprano's house. She led him to the puzzle. He took one look at it, took his girlfriend's hands, and said sweetly, "Babe, how about we just make some hot cocoa and watch a movie? I don't think you'll ever get the puzzle. Now how about I go get the mugs and you put all the Frosted Flakes back in the cereal box?"

So that's it. Were they funny? Let's make today a joke week. Here. And on my vlog, which with any luck will have a new video every single day for the whole week. Please comment with jokes if you know any (doesn't have to be choir related) but let's keep it clean, okay? Thank you all. Happy early Thanksgiving!

1 comment:

  1. So we were doing a skit thing for chorus, and I'm a soprano one. It was divided up by section, and we were supposed to do something that represented our section.
    This is what we did:
    A girl pretended to be our director, and the rest of us sang a note. She told us all to be quieter, repeatedly, until we were all completely silent.
    Then she said, "That's perfect!"
    The entire room burst into laughter. Now every time our director tells us to 'balance', we all giggle.